Your family is your strength, your family is your weakness

Your family is your strength, your family is your weakness

Your family is your strength, your family is your weakness.

If you dont agree with me, you are lucky. You have seen just the sweet things in life.
When things are not going my way, when every effort I make is just brining more and more pathos and I start resigning myself to failure, start feeling useless, dumb and at the bottom of the heap; one call home has changed it around many times. Just a line from dad or mom expressing that watever the world may think of you, you are the best son in the world and we are very proud to have you as a son. That has just brought a wide wide smile and helped me raise my head high again.. filling me unbridled confidence and a damn care for the world attitude. Why do I even care for some critic, when my family who knows me best have the confidence that I would never do anything wrong… Woww…. what a feeling to have.. when someone has the world of confidence in whatever you do.

When your sister says that you are the best brother in the world and she is glad to have you …. cant express the feeling…!!!!

When things are going dreadful for you, but still no one in the FAMILY even raises a concern about you coz everyone in the family knows what you are capable of doing and its just a matter of time when you will be back in your rhythm.

That is the value of a FAMILY.

My family is the only one I can rely on blindly. I know If I lose everything I have, my family is the only one who is gonna accept me with open arms, nurture me back all the while still loving me.

Thought, my ties with my family were slowly severing with all the good times I was having alone and how comfortable I was getting with living alone. He threw me into reality with a thud. Its hurting very bitterly…

Feeling very alone over the last week. It was even dreadful today. With friends all around me, still feeling very lonely. A call home did not make things better.

Spent so much time talking to myself while driving over the last one week and today, on the brink of going mad. Just don’t wanna drive the car anymore. Just drove it for 10 mins now, and the thoughts just flooded back. Never felt so ….. dont know what do i call this.. lonely, depressing, watever….
The only comfort at these times are speaking to sumana(pedhakka) and manu….. they too are going through similar phases.. but they’ve got their own little families….

Its been depressing, everyone at office have already noticed it… heard a couple of comments….
But ……………. watever…….. i’m not able to do anything.

It was a FAMILY. A very very closely knit family. Seeing each other every morning, knowing implicitly what each one would be doing. At 8 in the morning, kids will be cramming their breakfast, dad will be having his roti and omelette, thathayya reading his newspaper in the balcony, mom packing tiffin boxes, pinni hurrying the kids, nanamma sipping tea at the bed near the dining table. But,………………… its no more the same. One family member is gone… and it has brought over a lull over everyone. A calming presence is gone… The FAMILY is no more the same….. everyone’s feeling it…

Was speaking to thathayya this morning. Tried to pacify him. He is still unconsolable. In between the conversation he said, “Nuvvokkadivi unnav anukuntey..nuvvu akkadiki vellipoyinav kadhaa raa..” ( Thought you were atleast there…but you’ve also left us) Then he waited for a long while before gathering his thoughts and said, ” Nuvvu mathram needhi macnhiga chusuko ra…… entha chaduvuthavo antha chaduvuko… ivanniti meedha manasu pettaku… memendhi ra.. Ivaala untam repu potham.. nee chaduvey kadhaa.. nee thoni aeppudu undedhi…”
( But u focus on ur studies, study all that u wanna study, dont divert ur mind onto all these happenings, we are nothing, we live today and will be gone tomorrow, your studies are gonna be with you all your life..)

Couldn’t control my tears … on how much he could restrain his affection of wanting me by his side, even at these times. Hats off …. to his character.. selflessly thinking about my future… sacrificing his desires…

Writing down the crap in my brain… hoping that it would make me feel a littl better .
(Sorry, did not edit this… jus jotted down..everythin I am feeling now)

Tags: family.. | Edit Tags
Saturday May 30, 2009 – 11:58am (CDT)